I need to tell my stories

I always tell myself i am not good enough. but that voice, those words, come from something that is not me. they come from my doubts and my fears and the terrible ways i was conditioned to think about myself. It takes a lot to counteract those thoughts and honestly, im not always successful. But I want to try harder for the fact that something amazingly beautiful may come out of it. the world may not want to hear from me or see me but the world also needs to hear my stories.

i always tell myself i am being too picky. for wanting to hear my stories and to know about my people. But I know now that is the voice of patriarchy and white supremacy trying to silence me and stop me from growing. they want to keep up apart they don’t want us to find each other in this world. because what if we create a bond greater then their oppression. Our collaboration is priceless and it is certainly our most powerful tool. This is why I know I must read the words of clothes but also I must write and I must share my own life experiences and my ideas for change. The only way we can find radical relationships that promote our true voices is to speak, or in this case write. How else can I share my beliefs and find those who share them?

the world wants to make a mockery of me and those like me because they know it will keep us powerless. Although they do not show it, they see the immense value of my thoughts and ideas. This is precisely why they strive to silence me and tear me down. the world knows if they take a black queer girl seriously, i might just flip their world upside down. i might tell them truths they aren’t ready or aren’t willing to hear. So of course people are going to try to disrupt my thoughts and stop me from realizing that power. But I know that no one can take my words from me because not only do they belong to me but they are me. My ideas, opinions, thoughts, and words make up exactly who I am. I want to keep this as a daily reminder and I challenge you to do the same: I will strive to constantly remember that my words have power, meaning and strength even in the face of those who mock me or do not take me seriously. The only way this world can strip me of my power is if they succeed in silencing me and forcing me to live complicit with the systems of oppression. As long as I continue to think and write my thoughts, I can not be destroyed.

The acts of silencing which I speak of are so common in today’s world that they come from every dimension. I have noticed that the people who do the worst damage to you are often those closest to you, those who are there when you are most vulnerable. the people around me do not take my identities into consideration and they do understand how important they are to me and my perspectice.. it hurts me to withstand the daily microagressions from those closest to me. they don’t mean much harm, only a little, but i feel the effects one hundred fold. It is starting to become a burden I carry in every interaction. i feel so alone and misunderstood in my current situation because of this. i need to be around those who are decolonized or who are trying or who will at least constanslty validate my knowledge and my worth. In my perfect world, the people around me would help to realize the things which truly matter to me. I would be surrounded by those who want to create a new oppositional way of living and are willing to do that work. I know myself and I know I need encouragement and support along every step of the way. I need a community that reminds me daily that the dominant way of thinking and living are not the only way. I want to create a new world where things can be different and the limits and boundaries are completely removed, where we are creative and intentional w the things we do while always striving to experience freedom, liberation, love, community, and equality. If anyone out there feels the same, interact with this post in some way and help us to make this Blog into that very space!