Trading Comparison for Inspiration for Self-Love

By: Serena Turner

Recently(and by that I mean in the past 20 years), I have found myself comparing myself to everyone around me. And I am living in a constant state of feeling less then because of these comparisons. The worst part about comparing yourself is that it only hurts yourself. Because while you sit there counting all the numerous ways in which you feel other people have it better (or worse) then you do, the rest of the world keeps on moving. I get so stuck in that comparison cycle. I run on it rampantly. It gives me the motivation to try harder and do better while also dragging me down so low that I don’t have any energy to pull myself up. I took the title of this blog post from a piece of advice I heard one my coworkers give to another coworker. She said that she had recently learned that instead of comparing herself to other people, she should use them for inspiration. While this felt helpful at the time, I have since become disenchanted by the statement. I used to think using others as inspiration was the antithesis of comparison. But, I realize that it is not. Taking inspiration from other people’s accomplishments or goals does not allow me to live my own life. It strips me from my agency to decide how I will be and feel at every moment. It’s easy to fall into the hopes and dreams of others, especially if those around you are so passionate about them. I have at times found myself picking up a new hobby or holding myself to a standard or goal that someone else has decided upon just because that person is close in my life. I think a partial reason for this is because our society socializes us to believe there should only be one universal experience when that is anything but true. Because of this forced conforming, we are so quick to pick up on the things those around us enjoy and value. And while this is not always a bad thing, it does not leave us with the adequate room required for us to grow into our most radical and loving selves. While reading bell hooks, I have realized my desire and need for self-love. It is because I lack complete and radical self-love that I so often fall into comparisons. For if I knew my true value, worth, and beauty, I would never look to someone else again. The truth is I know myself better then anyone even though I have trouble trusting myself. My intuition and gut will take my far if I can develop both self-love and self-trust. It is the only way I see myself living a life that is actually in my best interest.